On the Accident of Birth Order

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Being pretty on the inside means you don’t hit your brother and you eat all your peas – that’s what my grandma taught me.  – Lord Chesterfield

I sometimes think it is a terrible thing we do to the oldest of those who are born.  Being born of this wholesomely unlucky number of being the first, one is saddled with being “Responsible” right off without any chance of choosing another life.  

This occurred to me as I watched a particular grueling episode of a TV show, where a family disintegrated.  The argument was cliche, as well as the “you never loved me.” And the “you don’t know what I gave up for you.” and the ever popular. “I had to be the responsible one.” But then I thought…, Why? Why was it cliche, after all, even sterotypes have to come up from somewhere. 

Now, one does not choose to be first, and it’s clear that one’s choices after the second child is born, are severely limited.  From day one is taught to take care, protect and be mindful of one’s siblings.  This pressure only increases if there is one parent, because the eldest becomes the defacto next parent.   I do not find any of this wrong, or bad, I wonder however if this accident of birth order is enough to justify the pain in the later years. 

 

OceansOfThought @ August 18, 2008